we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
