I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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