Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
