I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
