If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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