i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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