I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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