I just cut my nipple shaving
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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