i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
