i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
