the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
