I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
