Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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