I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
