He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
