where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
