I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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