Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
