I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
