I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
