you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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