But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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