can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize