I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize