I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
