For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
