Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
