im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize