At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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