I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
