I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
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