if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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