She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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