he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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