Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
