he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
