you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
