I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
