My cat gives me a boner
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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