Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
