We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
