My balls are so social today.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She needs sedatives and a leash
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
