I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
