well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
