Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
