We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
