He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
