oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
