dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
