It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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