the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
