Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
