In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i drank out of a bidet.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
