I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This beer is not sobering me up at all
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
