i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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