i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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