i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
