just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i used baking grease as lip gloss
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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