meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
