she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
