So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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