White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
