Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize