Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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