Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
