So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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