Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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