im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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