Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
