Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
