did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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