..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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