His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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