If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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