Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
