Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
