did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Is it penis luge time yet?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
