i think my tv is drunk
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
