so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
