Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Come on in and take your pants off
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